A few guidelines

Portrait of Ms Ruby May, Standing by Leena McCall

I'm on my back, I've assumed the position.

Soothing pan-Asian lift-music drifts over from the iPod by the door. 

Deep breath. Tchah. Sharp breath out.

Me

Did you see that story about the 

portrait of a woman Mall Galleries 

moved out of sight because it 

shows her pubes?

Beautician

 [laughs] 

No! That's ridiculous! Just move 
your leg slightly there.

Me

 Yeah, apparently it's 'disgusting and 

pornographic'. 

Beautician

Kind of ironic. 

Me

I know! Porn is one of the places

 you're least likely to see pubic hair.

Beautician 

Yeah. My women all do this for
 themselves, rather than...but I 
do think there's a trickle down 
from porn to 'the Hollywood.' 

Me

Mmhmm. I wonder how much of all 

that 'we feel cleaner' shtick is 

psychological.

Beautician 

It's actually more hygienic to keep 
the hair.

Me

[raises plucked eyebrow]

I sometimes feel like if I was a 

proper feminist I would go back, 
that I should grow it back... 

Beautician 

I think it's fine to have a full seventies, 
but you should still trim it - I was at a
training thing and this woman had 
a full seventies and it's just suddenly
 - boing - and it's a bit 'woah'. And I'm 
just thinking 'that poor man'.

I'm staring at the serene Buddha statue, wondering about our different uses of the word 'should'. I'm wary of sentences that contain the word 'should'. 'Should' is what someone else thinks. 'Should' is a truth handed down to you rather than lived experience.

Beautician

 ... and it turns out that the friend Cameron 

Diaz told Graham Norton she'd pinned 
to the bathroom floor and'clipped' was 
Gwyneth Paltrow.

Me 

Really? That sounds a bit brutal... 

Have you read Caitlin Moran's How 

to be a Woman?

Beautician

 Caitlin who? No.

Me

She's good on women making their 

own calls about this stuff- There's

a really funny bit about sanitary 

towels...

Beautician

I saw Cameron Diaz has got a new book 
out about women learning to love
their bodies. So she's completely 
contradicted herself. Do you want any 
more off? I've just followed the guideline, 

but we can make the strip thinner.

Me 

No thanks, that's my line.